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Roving Reporter at the Golf Course

by Ron Kurtus (25 May 72)

REPORTER: (Whispering) This is your Roving Reporter here at the Million-dollar Country Club, and I will soon be making my man-in­the-street interview with one of the rich businessmen here at the golf course.

Right now, I am standing near the 16th tee, watching a foursome try to hit the ball over the water hazard and onto the green. This is probably one of the toughest holes on the course, due to the psychological barrier caused by the water. The first three golfers have sucessfully hit their balls over the hazard, and now the fourth golfer is teeing up his ball.

I think we will interview this last member of the foursome, so I'd better catch him before he hits the ball and leaves... (Loudly) Sir!... Oh sir!

MAN: Oooff! (Crack!...Splash!)

REPORT: Oh sir! Excuse me, but I'm the Roving Reporter making my man-in-the-street interviews. Would you care to answer our question of the day?

MAN: Idiot!! Look what you made me do!

REPORT: Sir, the question we are asking the various people today is---

MAN: You stupid idiot! Get that blasted microphone away from me. Do you realize that I have $250 riding on this game? Look what you made me do. Now I'll lose two strokes because of your stupidity.

REPORT: I'm very sorry, sir. But perhaps if you would keep your left arm straight, you could---

MAN: They put you up to this, didn't they? Zimmerman would do anything to win a game with me. (Yelling off) It won't work Zimmerman! I'm wise to your tricks!

REPORT: Sir, would you care to answer our man-in-the-street question?

MAN: Don't bother me. (To self) Now I've got to tee up another ball.

REPORT: Sir, what is your opinion of welfare? Do you feel the people are getting enough money to satisfy their basic needs?

MAN: (Yelling off) It won't work Zimmerman! You can't upset me! (To reporter) Now move aside and be quiet!

REPORT: Yes sir. (Silence)... snif...snif...snif...Ahchoo!

MAN: Oooff! (Crack!...Splash!)

REPORT: (Running) This is your Roving Reporter... making tracks for the clubhouse... and signing off...