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The Motel

by Ron Kurtus (1 Jan 1971)

NOTE: I wrote this skit up on New Years Eve, after Muggs, Hjalmer and I had been out for dinner and drinks. Then we read the script and recorded it into my tape recorder. The tape really turned out well, and we laughed our heads off. I sent a copy to Mom, and she said Jimmy almost had tears in his eyes from laughing. This got me thinking that writing out these comedy skits might be a good idea as a profession. I enjoyed doing it, and they seemed funny.

ANNOUNCER: The scene is a small motel in upper Wisconsin. This dingy motel, owned by a man named Hendricks (played by Ron Kurtus) is where our star Andy (played by Hjalmer Aho) has brought Millie his latest girlfriend (played by Margaret Aho). Andy has just walked into the dingy room of the dingy motel owned by the dingy man, Hendricks.

ANDY: Brr. It's colder than hell out there.

MILLIE: Oh you say the cutest things Sandy. Did you bring the bottle?

ANDY: My name is Andy.

MILLIE: Sandy - Andy – what’s the difference? Did you bring the bottle?

ANDY: Boy, for a girl that says she hasn’t been around much you sure seem to like your drinks.

MILLIE: Well, I didn’t get engaged to you for nothing.

ANDY: I was wondering about that. Who the hell did you come to the dance with anyways?

MILLIE: Who knows? I'm with you now, ain’t I? Where's that bottle? I'm dying for a snort.

ANDY: Who knows? Don't forget I bought you a drink or two at the dance. I'll bet the guy you came with never did that for you.

MILLIE: Oh Benny, you say the cutest things. I could go for you. Is it true that you're parents are rich?

ANDY: My name is Andy.

Mille: Andy, Pandy - who cares? How much money you got?

ANDY: No, it isn’t my parents. It's my cousin that's rich. My second cousin.

MILLIE: Cousin?

ANDY: Twice removed.

MILLIE: You got that bottle?

ANDY: Sure. First, let's smooch.

Millie; Stop that, you masher.

(Knock, knock)

ANDY: Say, who is that at the door?

MANAGER: It is me, the manager of this dingy motel. What is going on here?!

ANDY: Oh nothing. Just a friendly gathering.

MANAGER: Hark: A man and a woman together in a dingy motel room. Are you two married?

ANDY: Just a friendly gathering sir.

MILLIE: I need a drink.

MANAGER: This looks mighty fishy to me. Let's see your marriage license.

ANDY: Will a driver’s license be OK?

MILLIE: I need a drink.

MANAGER: I could use one too.

ANDY: Well, I'll drink to that.

ANNOUNCER: And the three spent a happy evening together.